Nutsville mulls taking voting rights away from "plebes, commoners and general riff-raff"

RWGC alumni celebrate their exhibition of superior
knowledge. Source: Salon (they look like they'd sue)

NUTSVILLE (WT) - Members of the Insanitee Senate's Rich White Guy Caucus today told a gathering of serfs, sharecroppers and other Insanitee voters they were in the process of "relieving them of the arduous burden of having to select a United States Senator".
State Senator and RWGC treasurer Francus Niceleyus (Better Than You - Knox Vegas) and State Representative Harrius Brooksicus (Pretty Fly For A White Guy - Knox Vegas) each told plebeians gathered at the city's main plaza that "asking them to vote in primaries was simply too painful a burden to bear" and that less time spent paying attention to national affairs meant more time for crop production, stall mucking, and other forms of servitude to Nutsville's ruling elite. They also promised to work on doing away "with that whole lousy voting thing" in time, but for now this was their start.

"I recall almost having to take the garbage to the curb myself the other day," Brooksicus shuddered. "To think of those poor plebes, not being able to handle the intricacies of political happenings... that we kind of made overly intricate, but whatever. It's not like you'd understand."

Niceleycus noted that the amounts of money and "political gamesmanship" were simply too much for the common plebe to comprehend.

"Removing the responsibility of the national Senate primary vote from the shoulders of the working man - and, to an understandably lesser extent, women and gays - is only the compassionate thing to do," Niceleycus said. "Now it won't seem so cruel when we give them more work to do! The burden of thought can be replaced by the burden that is cleaning the Comitia Nashuriata!"

This reporter, as a member of the plebeian class, was then pressed into cleaning the legislative house. He was not allowed to interview any of his fellow plebes.

The measure's chief lobbying sponsor, diabolical publishing magnate and noted supervillain Brian Paone, was dismissive of any concerns the plebeian class - or anyone, really - might have over the proposal because "I totally know way better than those slackjawed goofs".

"I mean, look at me!" Paone cackled from atop a mountain of currency and writhing, naked people in his lair at Gulag 309. (Publisher's note: I don't give a damn about family-friendliness when *I* make an entrance - so shut it. -bp) "How do we decide who's the top dog in this society, huh? HUH?! Find the guy who's gettin' laid and gettin' paid - and that's quite obviously me because satire is such a lucrative business."

When asked if the measure would run counter to the Seventeenth Amendment of the United States Constitution, the publisher sneered and spat.

"Pft. The Constitution. That jerk. What's it ever done for the rich white guy? Huh? All these minorities and women gunking up the works, passing common-sense measures, letting gays get married as if they're people or some crap - how's a paleface like me gonna go about looting, pillaging and profiteering if people are concerned about nonsense like FAIRNESS and EQUALITY?"

We'd tell you when the measure was being debated, but like you need to know. Plebe.

Coming up next: Emperor Caligula gets assassinated! No one cares. Film at 11 of something - anything - else.