Marriage asks Supremes Court to drop protection order, says "didn't even ask for it"

The Simpsons' Homer offers sound advice. Source: Uh, Family Guy.

WTFINGTON (WT) - The concept of marriage made its long-awaited appearance before Chief Justice Diana Ross and the Supremes Court (Wow. I am so OLD. -Ed) to ask that it finally have the order of protection "safeguarding" it dropped.

The protection order, issued involuntarily in 1996 by WTFington's best and brightest busybodies, has made life unconstitutionally unbearable, said the legal concept.

"You have no idea how tough it's been, your Honors," Marriage said with notable exhaustion. "All night and day, my FaceSpace Plus wall is slammed with people who keep telling me I'm this or that or the other thing, or you're going to this hell for believing something others don't believe, and it's just too much to handle! I don't deserve this!"

The concept explained that it felt the involuntary protection order unfairly defined who it was.

"The bottom line is that I'm the love between two consenting adults - a demonstration of their desire to live their lives together mutually," Marriage said softly when pressed on the definition topic. "People think so much messed-up stuff about me now. They think only certain adults can get together, or that some adults shouldn't have a choice in who they marry, or that some types of people can NEVER be married in some places."

Marriage then began openly weeping on the stand.

"Why?!" Marriage screamed, setting off a din in the courtroom. "Why do you have to turn a concept of love into one that require so much HATRED?!"

Chief Justice Ross called loudly - with a practiced, powerful lilt in her voice - for silence, then allowed opposition attorney Lush Dimbaugh to cross-reference after he got done taking his completely-legitimate "medications".

"So you'd allow just anyone to claim you, then. Is that right?" Dimbaugh pressed.

"Well, yeah," Marriage replied. "Adults, anyway."

"So I can't, say, marry a child, or a goat, or the pills that I love so very very much and for which I have a completely legitimate need," Dimbaugh shot back. "Is that right?!"

"Uh, yeah, those sound like some pretty common-sense guidelines, guy," Marriage answered incredulously.

"AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS!" Dimbaugh crowed. "Ol' Brain-Dead Marriage doesn't want equality! Not REAL equality! And so long as it doesn't want real equality then we HAVE to protect it from all those scary lib-ral types!"

Marriage then looked at the Supremes. "See what I mean?" Marriage pleaded. "This is nuckin' futs!"

The Supremes called for a harmony recess, simply wowing the audience with the Chief Justice's soulful rendition of "Amazing Grace" - and then told everyone assembled their decision.

"Excepting the concept of marriage, you're all idiots. Including us for ducking the issue," the Chief Justice ruled - which didn't really clear up the issue of gay marriage as many hoped, but certainly helped explain how we got to this point in the first place.

Coming up next in science and technology - scientists uncover new original pages of the Bible, learn that God really didn't like... SodIUm.

...whoops.